Monday, November 12, 2012

Who Needs Sex?

So, I'm going on two months without Mr. Urban Daddy. Tell you the truth, we don't even use the egg anymore. I'd love to tell you bitches I spend my nights having mad fantasies about random sex acts, but mostly, I lie in bed wondering if the crack addict downstairs shoots the gun he's always ranting about, would the bullet penetrate the ceiling?

Anyway. The funny thing is, now that Mr. Urban Daddy is three time zones away, he's finally decided that the interwebs is more than just a pick-up joint full of pathetic losers. Last night, he told me he spent three hours reading Salon.com. Today, he sent me this link from Science News: Wild snakes reproduce without sex:

Snakes in the wild sometimes forgo the mom-and-dad method of reproducing and have babies without having sex, researchers have confirmed with genetic testing.

I had to read the story twice. There's subtext here. I mean, my HUSBAND is sending me a link about the outdated "mom-and-dad method of reproducing." (i.e., for those of you who aren't scientists, fucking). Is he trying to say the kids are my clones and he's not responsible? Or is he saying that he regrets the times we were mom-and-dad-reproducing (i.e., fucking), and wishes he were a snake? I've been lying in bed thinking about this for hours. Then I read the story a third time:

Occasional no-sex reproduction has been seen in captivity among snakes, Komodo dragons and sharks. But until now there has been no conclusive evidence for wild virgin birth among species that normally reproduce sexually, says Warren Booth of the University of Tulsa in Oklahoma.

And then I got it. He wants me to get this.

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